How to start your life story when you think you can't write

Many people who mean to write their life story never get past the first page. Not because they have nothing to say, but because a blank page asks a question few of us can answer at the start: What is this story, and where does it begin?

You don’t have to answer that question to begin. You find the answer by writing, a memory at a time. Here’s the way in that I’ve seen work, for me and for other writers I’ve talked with.

Start anywhere

Don’t begin at the beginning. Begin with a memory that’s close to the surface: a kitchen you can still see, a car, a person you can’t stop thinking about, a single afternoon. The order can wait. A life story is built from pieces, and the pieces don’t arrive in order.

If nothing comes to mind, start smaller than you think you need to. Not “my childhood.” One scene, or one room in the house you grew up in. What was on the wall? Who was there? What happened?

Tell it out loud first

If writing feels hard, don’t write. Talk.

Most of us remember more, and more honestly, when we’re telling a story aloud than when we’re staring at a page. The sentences come out the way you actually say them, and that’s the voice you want on the page. Tell your story to a friend, to a grandchild, or to the voice recorder on your phone. Then write down what you said, as close to the way you said it as you can.

Let someone ask you questions

A great way to remember is to be asked about your life. A good question opens a memory in a way that sitting alone with it doesn’t: Who else was there? What happened just before? What do you wish you’d said?

If you have someone in your life who’s a good listener, ask them to interview you for twenty minutes. If you don’t, write three questions on a card before you sit down, and answer them out loud. Turn on your voice recorder before you start, and then forget it’s there until you finish.

Be allowed to be incomplete

“That’s all I remember” is a fine place to stop. A memory with a hole in it is an honest memory. You can come back to it. You can rework it, move it, or set it aside later.

The goal of your first sitting isn’t a chapter. It’s a start.

One memory this week

Pick one memory that’s been on your mind. Tell it out loud, the way you would across a kitchen table. Then get it down, in your own words.

That’s a started life story. The rest comes one sitting at a time.